I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
