is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
