I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
