I can text with my tongue
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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