I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
