I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
