ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
