Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
