brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
