He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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