i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
