Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
