If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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