none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
