I will die if light touches me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
