Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
