listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
