No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
