she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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