i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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