the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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