Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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