oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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