my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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