Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
