3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
