dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
how drunk are you?
Several
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
