There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
