My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
