By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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