she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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