Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
