I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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