im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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