My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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