May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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