I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
