Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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