Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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