I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
