you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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