So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize