i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
