let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
