you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
