would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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