I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have started to decorate penises.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
