I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
