The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
