Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
