Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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