you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
