I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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