When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
