so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
