"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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