so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
