Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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